The search

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The adoption struggle. Not knowing who you look like or where you came from. You spend your whole life wondering and hoping that one day your questions will be answered. Nobody ever seemed to understand that unless they were adopted. I would try and explain the feeling of not knowing and the longing to want to know but it was never clear to those who were not adopted.

I have always known that I was adopted. My parents were very good about explaining and answering any questions I had. They were there to support me in anyway that I needed it. I knew that when I turned eighteen I wanted to search for my birth mother. I couldn’t wait to start.

Well, I turned eighteen and while I did start my search I didn’t stick with it for very long before I gave up. It wasn’t until I was pregnant and about to have a child of my own that my search really began. I knew basic facts about my birth mother like how old she was when I was born, the city and state I was born in but I also had something that nobody else gets, I had a court document with her maiden name on it. Normally that would have been blacked out. So I turned to google and typed her maiden name in and I got thousands of results. Knowing that was going to be a needle in a haystack I gave up that approach. I also turned to Facebook and searched that name with the city I was born in. That narrowed it down a little but still a needle in a haystack. I tried several of those adoption search websites too but nothing ever came of them.

After spending a year searching on my own. I remembered that I knew somebody that is a search angel. She helps adoptees and birth mothers come together professionally. I contacted her on Facebook and told her all the information I had and asked if she would help. She took the information and said she would keep me in mind.

I didn’t have to wait long. She came across a website of a man who had posted pictures of a family get together. The man had my birth mother’s maiden name. My friend contacted him via e-mail and explained the situation and asked if he could help. He replied with yes he could help and that he might know my birth mother. He would right her a letter and let us know.  We waited a few weeks and to my surprise he was right. He gave us her contact information and wished us luck.

My friend the search angel wrote my birth a letter and explained everything hoping she would respond. A few weeks later she did respond. She called my friend and discussed talking to me. I was over joyed. I couldn’t believe that my biggest dream had come true, I was going to talk to my birth mother.

The first phone was filled with tears and long pauses. But we were both over come with joy  and excited to finally be talking. She told me that I have two half sisters and they can’t wait to meet me. I can’t tell you how excited I was to find out that I have two half sisters. I grew up with a sister but she too was adopted. I had so many questions for my birth mother and she tried to answer of them, but she couldn’t remember everything.

After talking over the phone and on Facebook a few more times, I decided I wasn’t ready to go any further and stopped talking to her. I was pregnant and my emotions were running high. I did continue to talk to my half sisters, we have a lot in common. They like having an older sister. I still talk to my birth mother every now and then but not as much as we once did. I really want to meet face to face one day and I hope they do too.

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Two families: An adoption story

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I have known I am adopted since before I could talk. My parents were and are very open about the subject. I was lucky enough to be adopted at birth. I was born to a sixteen year girl who made the toughest decision of her of life. She would give up her baby for adoption.
My adoptive mom aka mom tells me how she would call and write the doctor every chance she could get. She was determined to adopted a baby. Since she couldn’t have kids herself and she wanted to be a mom more than anything in this world. Finally she gets a call from the doctor that would change her life forever.
My mom and dad lived in Alaska at the time and I was born in Washington State. My parents quickly got on a plane and went to pick up their little bundle joy. I don’t know all of the legal process but I do know I was taken home not long after being born.
I grew up in a loving family with a sister, who is also adopted. We never went without and we always talked about people who had given us up so many years before. I was always curious about my birth mother and couldn’t wait until I turned eighteen so I could search for her. I remember turning eighteen and being excited to finally start the long journey. I didn’t really know where to start but I did a Google search on how to start and where to start. I got millions of search results and it was almost overwhelming.
Then one day I realized I had court documents from the adoption. And a mistake had been made, my birth mother’s maiden name hadn’t been blackened out. There it was in black and white. The one clue I had been waiting for. I went back to Google and did another search for that last name. I got tons of results but it did narrow it down. And since I knew the name of city I was born in it made it easier.
After my initial search I decided to stop and focus on other things like going to college and eventually getting married some years later. It was until after I was married and about to have a baby of my own that my search got a little more exciting.
I was on Facebook one day I noticed that my friend Cindy does adoption searches as a search angel. She knew I was adopted and I’m not sure who asked who but she offered to help me. I gave her all the info. I had, which wasn’t much, but as it turns out more then I thought. A maiden name is a huge piece of info. to have and I was very lucky to have that.
Some months later I had forgotten I had given Cindy the info. and she messages me one day and says she found who could possibly be relative to my birth mother. He has a website with family photos from vacations and he had his e-mail listed. Cindy writes to him and he gets back to her saying that he thinks he knows who my birth mother is and will have to write her a letter to ask.
A few weeks go by and we get a response back from him, yes he right and here is the info. on how to contact my birth mother. Cindy I believe wrote her a letter explaining everything and to see if she was interested in talking to me. As it turns out she is interested in talking to me. Cindy sets up a phone call.
What do you say to some one who gave you up? Millions of questions ran through my head Will she like me? What if she doesn’t? Of course she will like you,she gave birth to you. Many more thoughts crossed my mind. You must know I was never mad at her for giving me up and I wanted her to understand that. I don’t remember all the details of the conversation but I do remember it being really awkward and there being lots of crying(for joy). There was lots of awkward silence and lots of wonderment. She told me that she had always wanted to know what had happened to me. She told me of her two girls and I told her that I was married and about to have a son. She was very happy for me. We talked for a few more minutes and then we said our good byes and hung up. We talked a few more times after that and I decided that is was too much for me at the time and that I didn’t want to talk anymore.
I had my son a few months later and my journey of motherhood started. I went about life and ended up getting divorced and moving back home. It wasn’t until I moved back home that I decided to start talking to my birth mother again. We became friends on Facebook and soon I became friends with her daughters as well. I started asking questions about my medical history and she gladly answered any questions I had. And boy did I have a lot. She didn’t remember much of the birth other then she went to the hospital and some hours later she gave birth. She did say it was a tough decision to give me up but she knew that she couldn’t give me everything I needed and she wanted the best for me. She got to pick out the parents and she was glad to hear that they are great parents.
Her oldest daughter and I talk on Facebook every now and then. She said she hopes to call me her sister some day. I think we have reached that day. I love having two families. Even though it is odd sometimes I think that things worked out for a reason. And I HOPE to some day meet my birth mother and her daughters. Talking online is fun but I really want to meet in person. And I did ask about my birth father but I will save that story for another blog. But until then I hope to continue this wonderful journey of getting to know my birth mother and half sisters.

Danielle