The search


The adoption struggle. Not knowing who you look like or where you came from. You spend your whole life wondering and hoping that one day your questions will be answered. Nobody ever seemed to understand that unless they were adopted. I would try and explain the feeling of not knowing and the longing to want to know but it was never clear to those who were not adopted.

I have always known that I was adopted. My parents were very good about explaining and answering any questions I had. They were there to support me in anyway that I needed it. I knew that when I turned eighteen I wanted to search for my birth mother. I couldn’t wait to start.

Well, I turned eighteen and while I did start my search I didn’t stick with it for very long before I gave up. It wasn’t until I was pregnant and about to have a child of my own that my search really began. I knew basic facts about my birth mother like how old she was when I was born, the city and state I was born in but I also had something that nobody else gets, I had a court document with her maiden name on it. Normally that would have been blacked out. So I turned to google and typed her maiden name in and I got thousands of results. Knowing that was going to be a needle in a haystack I gave up that approach. I also turned to Facebook and searched that name with the city I was born in. That narrowed it down a little but still a needle in a haystack. I tried several of those adoption search websites too but nothing ever came of them.

After spending a year searching on my own. I remembered that I knew somebody that is a search angel. She helps adoptees and birth mothers come together professionally. I contacted her on Facebook and told her all the information I had and asked if she would help. She took the information and said she would keep me in mind.

I didn’t have to wait long. She came across a website of a man who had posted pictures of a family get together. The man had my birth mother’s maiden name. My friend contacted him via e-mail and explained the situation and asked if he could help. He replied with yes he could help and that he might know my birth mother. He would right her a letter and let us know.  We waited a few weeks and to my surprise he was right. He gave us her contact information and wished us luck.

My friend the search angel wrote my birth a letter and explained everything hoping she would respond. A few weeks later she did respond. She called my friend and discussed talking to me. I was over joyed. I couldn’t believe that my biggest dream had come true, I was going to talk to my birth mother.

The first phone was filled with tears and long pauses. But we were both over come with joy  and excited to finally be talking. She told me that I have two half sisters and they can’t wait to meet me. I can’t tell you how excited I was to find out that I have two half sisters. I grew up with a sister but she too was adopted. I had so many questions for my birth mother and she tried to answer of them, but she couldn’t remember everything.

After talking over the phone and on Facebook a few more times, I decided I wasn’t ready to go any further and stopped talking to her. I was pregnant and my emotions were running high. I did continue to talk to my half sisters, we have a lot in common. They like having an older sister. I still talk to my birth mother every now and then but not as much as we once did. I really want to meet face to face one day and I hope they do too.