Home Sick: flash fiction

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Alice had been gone for far too long. She longed to be back home with her family,smelling her mom’s cooking and listening to her father play the harmonica She moved away hoping to start over and make things better, but she just wanted things to go back to the way they were. She had made new friends and had found a great job and even a boyfriend or two but yet she still wasn’t happy. All her friends could see in her eyes that she wasn’t happy and they told her to visit her family.”No” she would tell them. I just can’t you don’t understand. “Make us understand.” they would say. “You wouldn’t understand.” Alice would mumble back.

Alice had been really close to her Grandpa, who used to live with the family until he suddenly passed away. Alice was heart broken. She didn’t know how she was going to go on. Her mother tried to comfort her and say “He’s in a better place and he isn’t suffering anymore.” But that didn’t help. Alice needed a change. She couldn’t watch her mother be happy on the outside and sad on the inside. And her dad just the same. Her parents seemed to just move on like nothing happened. Alice knew she had to do something.

“I’m moving away.” Alice announced one day. “I need a change.” Her parents were shocked. They didn’t say anything but “If you think its best, we wish you all the luck.” Alice packed up her things and moved to the city. She found a place to live and started to look for a new job. She was surprised to find one quickly. Working in an office answering the phones. She quickly made friends with the other ladies in the office and she was feeling pretty good about herself. Until after a year  of being in the city, she was starting to feel home sick.

She realized that her moving away was not solving any problems and she needed to do something about it. She picked up the phone and called her mom. “Hello, mom.”

“Alice! It is so nice to hear your voice.”

“Mom I want to come for a visit.”

“Oh sure honey, anytime.”

“How about next weekend?”

“We can’t wait.”

Alice hung up the phone and wondered if that was the right thing to do.

Inspired by the Daily Post.

When you’re away from home, what person, thing, or place do you miss the most?

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16 thoughts on “Home Sick: flash fiction

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  10. I see where you were going with this piece, but I say push it a little harder! 🙂 Why did her grandpa mean so much to her? Was he the glue of the family that brought them genuine happiness? Did she move out of the house because she couldn’t stay in an environment that seemed to forget that he ever existed?

    Also, how did Alice come to the realization that her moving away was not solving any problems? Did someone have a meaningful conversation with her? I’m also a writer so I (you definitely don’t have to use this. Just giving an idea :D) would have an elderly man talk with her and give her wisdom. She would listen to this man because he would remind her of her late grandpa and give her the strength to return home and say everything she had kept bottled up during that year of running away to the city.

    You did something wonderful with this piece. You caused a reader to want to know more about Alice and her grandpa’s relationship. I wanted to know more and more about Alice as a person and what drives her feelings. I realize this is flash fiction, but I think you can accomplish a solid piece if it was about 2-3 pages.

  11. I think you have two stories here. One about leaving home, which I think can stand really nicely on its own without the story about her grandfather and the other about the grandfather. I agree that expanding on the relationship with her grandfather is a good idea. Having the two stories in one does need some resolution. The ending would be great without the grandfather story, even if the passing of the grandfather was merely the catalyst for leaving, not the reason itself, which was more a matter of it being the right time to leave home and make her way as her own person, as an adult:)

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